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February 11, 2012
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Bloody battles fought in vain.
Said for glory, but it's a lie for shame.
Men they die, hit the ground.
With an awful cry or a muffled sound.

Gory grounds drenched with life.
Not what those highplaced men contrived.
But it is not they who fight the war.
It's the working man who settles the score.

As the poor man loses life and limb
Mankinds future was never so dim.
For honour, for glory, for freedom they call.
In final though, death captures all.

How years are wasted in the sand and mud
The flower of life is too soon cut.
If you want to know what inspired me: the Vanity Fair TV-serial from 1998. Yes, about a novel that satirizes society. There was a scene about the battle at Waterloo. Too often I forget the horrors of war. It might be because we see so much of it, I might get numb to it. Or it might just be my character.

In any case, it really struck me.

I do am wondering about some things though:
- How is the flow? When I read it out loud, it sounds like the flow is fine, but you might disagree.
- What do you think 'years are wasted' refers too?
- Did you notice/like the alliteration I used? It appears 'bloody battles' is quite a favorite of mine (regardless of the meaning of course), I used it before in a poem.
- How overly dramatic do you think this poem is?
- Any obvious spelling mistakes I failed to notice?
- What do you think of the title?
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:iconfalconorthern:
FALCONorthern Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like it... I don't think it 'flows' as well as some of your other things I've read, but it's still not bad. I did notice the alliteration, I think it does add to the poem. I don't see any spelling mistakes, good work there, though I see you used the wrong'too' for hte questionairre... I thnk it's very dramatic, but that's just me. I love the title.

Overall, I like it. I like the general theme and message and the way it's conveyed. I do think it needs a bit more of a flow.
This reminds me of a poem I read once... Have you ever read 'Flanders Fields' by I don't know who?
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:iconflowersunshine:
Flowersunshine Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay... Do you have any peculiar places where you think the flow is not as it could/should be?

Yes, I did read Flanders Fields. I just looked it up, couldn't quite remember it. It's by McCrae, if you wish to know. It is one of the many beautiful poems written in reaction to World War One. We studied them in English class, it was very interesting, to learn the backgrounds and everything. Very compelling too.
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:iconfalconorthern:
FALCONorthern Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's mostly the first verse/stanza.

McCrae... I'll remember that. I only know of it because it's one one of a bunch of posters in my English classroom about elements of poetry... They each give an element, its definition, then a famous poem with a good example of the element. Flanders Fields was for alliteration, I think.
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:iconflowersunshine:
Flowersunshine Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay, I'll see what I can do.
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:iconfalconorthern:
FALCONorthern Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You do that.
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:iconroseyred-1:
Roseyred-1 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
-I think the flow is fine.
-I'm guessing that 'years are wasted' is referring to war?
-Yush. I noticed the alliteration.
-It's not too dramatic. To me anyway. I just like things like that.
-Not that I can see, unless I missed them too.
-The title's not really... speaking to me. I don't really know how else to explain it.
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:iconflowersunshine:
Flowersunshine Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
- Yay :)
- In my intention it mainly referred to the years that the soldiers could still have lived, but more option are possible, of which yours is one of course :)
- And? Do you like it?
- Okay :)
- Super :D
- Yeah, I suck at titles xD I'll think about it.
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:iconroseyred-1:
Roseyred-1 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
U lurv this. ^-^
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